Archive for July, 2007

House, MD.
July 25, 2007

“I just need you to remember me.  I need somebody to remember me … I just need to die knowing something was different because I was here.” (Homeless Man)

I’ve never questioned myself before.  My worth.  My meaning.  Up until recently, I’ve lived a life of constant validation.  Surrounded by a sea of people that knew me, liked me.  Worshipped me.  I was somebody.  Now I’m not.  So the way I see it is, I have two options.  Number one: resign myself to being “just another face in the crowd”, somebody you don’t give a second thought.  Or number two: stage another takeover. Just between you and me, I think it’s time I take back that tiara.  🙂  I refuse to die begging to be someone’s distant memory.  No, when my time comes – you better believe it is going to be a tragedy.

Flashbacks
July 10, 2007

Have you ever closed your eyes in bed late at night and were caught off guard at the intensity a certain flashback hits you?  What if that delicious, intense flashback was a memory that had never actually taken place?   When I close my eyes I can remember your lips… your touch… though it’s been years since our last memory.  I can feel you and taste you in ways we’ve never experienced together.  My consciousness, then later my subconsciousness, as active thoughts quiet only for you to manifest even stronger in my dreams, hungrily echo my longing for you in lonely darkness.  My eyes close, and if a reflex I can feel your hands running along my back, your mouth lazily kissing the curve of my neck.  So light, yet so very real… chills run up and down my body as my mind clearly envisions your face on the pillow next to mine… your every freckle, every contour.  The lone dimple that appears at the left corner of your mouth when you smile.  I can see baby blue eyes staring intently into my dark brown ones, searching, questioning, waiting for me to give into your gentle seduction.  We haven’t spoken in two years, seen each other in three, or been intimate in four.  I’ve dated, been in love, and have well gotten over you since then.  But when night falls and I lie in bed alone, fantasies of your presence keep me company until morning awakens me back to reality once again.